Thursday, 6 February 2014

A section is the question?

Before we get into the nitty gritty of this post I'd like to say I tried really hard not to scare any expectant mamas with my tales of birth and hope i have achieved the right balance with detail but not over sharing, I didnt want to just gloss over my natural birth with no details as sometimes i think that could come across as scary too like it was so bad i couldnt even discuss it!haha.

With my first pregnancy i was so prepared for labour i was neither scared nor hesitant. The way i saw it was women do this with no help at all and have been for years and i was going to be in a hospital with doctors so surely i can do this. Im of the frame of mind you can do anything you want and if your scared well feel the fear but do it anyway so was excited for my labour day. I prepared by going to relaxation classes where we did visualisations and breathing techniques which i have to say was fabulous. My labour began after a sweep when i was about a week over due and started very calmly. I progressed in a relaxed and calm fashion until we had been at the hospital a couple of hours and was given diamorphine. Not something that agreed with me at all. From then on my contrations stalled every few hours and then when i was 10cm dialated and so exhusted i couldnt move they just stopped. It was like my body just went nope thats it ive had enough! I was given syntocin which they normal use when inducing labour and at this point i requested an epidural. The contactions were back to back and i was so tired i thought if i got one i could sleep for an hour and wake up raring to go but the anistathist was busy so nope no epidural for me. I pushed and pushed with all my might i really did but nothing was happening. The doctor was in and out and suddenly started to tell me my babies heart beat was slow and i needed to get baby out now! i cried and told them i was trying to hard and they explained that i needed an episiotomy and forceps but i refused saying they could do the cut but only the ventouse. I remember feeling like i had locked in syndrome in my head i was screaming for my body to push but it just wasnt responding. My legs were put in stirrups and suddenly the room filled with people. The scariest part of all this was the nurse stood by the baby cot i remember thinking why are you there?they think theres something wrong with my baby. Well i pushed and the doctor pulled and then suddenly after 3/4 pushes there she was! Beautiful and healthly and a good size!{i was tiny and she weighed 8lb 11oz}but i was then told i had torn and needed to go the theatre for a repair. I was in there an hour or more before i was finally taken to see my baby girl having suffered a 3rd degree tear. I had a spinal for the repair so couldnt walk for the first day and was so so sleepy but couldnt close my eyes if i tried. i was now a mummy!!
so without to many details you can see why my first was traumatic and although i want to put any minds at rest by saying my tear was never painful or sore and physically i recovered really well and quickly it was the emotional side i struggled with more.
Traumatic part over and pregnant with my second lady part of me wanted to get the birth i wanted a relaxed natural birth and part of me was terrified. I started to research and read about tears and subsequent births i was also really concerned about my contractions stop starting again.
In my head i knew i could do it, i wanted that moment of feeling my baby be born and placed in my arms so badly but i also knew i didnt want all the drama and should anything like that happen again or worse i had a toddler at home waiting for mummy. After having lots of flashbacks and dreams about my first birth and becoming upset over the thought of it i talked over sections with my mum and midwife and husband. We all came to the conclusion that for me a planned section was best. It was the hardest decision ive made but honestly once i had made it and got booked in i felt so much better and more relaxed. Once again i approached my babies birthday with excitement!And while its a little odd knowing the exact date your baby will be born and not waiting for labour it is no less exciting and the added bonus of being in control just made it even easier for this control freak!
So what was the section like? well thats a story for another day so keep posted.
And for any mamas to be reading this please dont be scared just remember you can do this you were born to one way or another!

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